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Joe shamelessness means that he’s willing to say things that Q will happily take a loss for, that Sal will not be able to hold a straight face for if not fall down laughing, and that Murr will have to brave through by first twisting his neck.

That’s Joe for you. The jokers’ joker, who has and continues to give us some of the most memorable lines in the show.

So here’s a compilation of some of his best and memorable quotes, lines or phrases – whatever you want to call them, it doesn’t matter. The only requirement is that you watch the show religiously, otherwise most of these are bound to go over your head.

I’ve however gone through the trouble of including the episodes they’re from should you find yourself missing the context.

Joe’s Best Lines and the Episodes in which He says them

Larry!Check all Larry Episodes
Scoopski PotatoSeason 2 Episode 22 (Everything’s Just Rosie)
The fluoride in the water is giving my son bitch tittays.Season 2 Episode 1 (Elephant in the Room)
1. We caught the alligator who ate the DeLuca boy.
2. You wanna come on man?
Season 2 Episode 16 (Down in the Dump – ‘Lawrence Isle’)
That’s my sister being molested by a ferret-looking man.Season 2 Episode 5 (Strip High Five)
This isn’t real life!Season 3 Episode 14 (Make Womb for Daddy)
Up your ass and to the left.Season 3 Episode 28 (A Legendary Fail)
King Kong ain’t got nothing on me!Season 2 Episode 15 (Joker vs. Joker)
1. I gots to chill the chafe!
2. The chafe has been chilled, child.
Season 6 Episode 23 (Take Me Out at the Ballgame)
Bitches be crazy as hell…Season 6 Episode 19 (Flatfoot the Pirate)
In the back of an ambulance in 1995, I watched my father pass from this world to another, my look was very similar to this guy right here.Season 4 Episode 8 (Damned If You Do)
Sick trick!Season 4 Episode 19 (Tied and Feathered)
If Ray Ray comes ’round these parts, sniffin’ for a tip off, you don’t go squeal on a piggy, do yous?Season 3 Episode 8 (Inside the Vault)
I have a wife and a Bichon Frisé that spend money like it’s coming out of my metaphorical wiener.Season 3 Episode 2 (The Great Escape)
Chicken, family, you know it!Season 5 Episode 21 (Wrapper’s Delight)
Who’s a bitch got to kiss around here to get a cream soda.Season 6 Episode 20 (Remember the Pact)
Who vants to paint?Season 6 Episode 7 (X-Man)
Chop chop, chucklehead. You gonna order today?Season 8 Episode 14 (Well…)
I do a little peeps when I toot toot.Season 6 Episode 16 (Three Men and Your Baby)
Cossio and Dominick, Attorneys at Law.Season 7 Episode 7 (Lords of the Ring)
Genie does as you wish!Season 6 Episode 18 (Rubbed the Wrong Way)
Cole Von Cole, C-O-L-E-V-O-N-C-O-L-E1. Season 7 Episode 5 (Indecent Proposal)
2. Season 8 Episode 7 (The Eggman)
3. Season 9 Episode 16 (A Tasteful Episode)
1. Suck me silly you were a pumpkin.
2. I’m a little cheese boy
Season 9 Episode 16 (Prince + Charming)

Do you have some more lines? Share them with the rest of us in the comments. Meanwhile, you may also want to check out Sal’s, Q’s and Murr’s best lines.


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